GOOD MONDAY MORNING P.O.U.!
In honor of Valentine’s Day, which is tomorrow, this week’s series is dedicated to famous Black couples.
First up….
In this 1998 NY Daily News article, Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee talk about their first impressions of each other, his proposal, their wedding and their “firsts”:
How they met:
They met in December 1945, during the rehearsals of the play “Jeb.” He, an aspiring writer moonlighting as an actor, was the lead, and Ruby was the understudy for Libby, Jeb’s significant other.
Young Ruby quickly assessed Ossie as a “country bumpkin innocent, good-natured and not too intelligent,” while Ossie, when asked what he thought of Ruby on first sighting said, simply, “Nothing.”
“Out in the auditorium was this little girl with big eyes and long shiny hair quite beautiful I thought sitting next to the young man who was my understudy,” Davis recalls. “But I paid no particular attention to her.”
No attention, that is, until they were cast shortly thereafter in the play “Anna Lucasta,” in which they toured for nine months. It was Christmas Eve 1947 when, slow-dancing to Nat King Cole’s “Christmas Song,” they realized they were in love.
They married Dec. 9, 1948, and had three kids Nora, Guy and LaVern (her Muslim name is Hasna) and stayed happily married.
The Proposal and Wedding:
She had said time and again that they should be married, and so he finally broke down and sent her a telegram from Chicago telling her something like, “In order for you to calm down, I might as well go on ahead and marry you.”
She quickly answered back, “Don’t do me no favors.”
Five months later, they stole away from rehearsals in New York to Jersey City to get hitched. His brother was the best man, her sister the matron of honor. The preacher was a short, fat man with eyes that pointed in two directions.
And when the minister asked, “Do you take this woman to be your lawful, legally wedded wife” one of his eyes was focused on the bride, the other on the bride’s sister the bridegroom wasn’t sure which woman he was referring to. So he just said, “I do.”
That’s how Ossie Davis, actor, and Ruby Dee, actress, became husband and wife.
“I didn’t know which of them chicks I was married to, but they both looked good so I said, `I do to whichever one you’re talking about,’ ” booms the legendary actor/activist.
He laughs a deep, hearty baritone like soft thunder.
“I couldn’t lose,” he adds.
For the record, the preacher was talking about Ruby and when Ossie and she said “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, till death do us part,” they meant every word.
Surely, they must have, because that was 50 years ago today, and Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis are still together living, laughing and in love.
“Marriage is really an exciting adventure,” Dee says.
[…]
“You think, Can anybody be this happy? Can anybody experience love like this?” Dee says. “Isn’t it wonderful? How can everyone feel this same ecstasy this same joy?
“It is so calming, marriage,” she continues, burrowing her body next to her honey, who is simply smiling. “It’s a marvelous thing enjoy it.”
Their “Firsts”:
First Date: Looking to impress Ruby, Ossie, who had won a sharpshooters’ medal in the Army, steps to a game booth on Broadway, pays a quarter, and shoots down most of the fake ducks. Ruby then takes up the rifle and, as Ossie puts it, “brought down all the damn ducks.” Says Ossie: “I said, ‘Wow! How is she ever going to get a man intimidating him like that?’ I was tempted to let that child go, but I decided to give her another chance.”
First Kiss: During an impromptu rehearsal for “Jeb” at Ruby’s hotel room in Philadelphia. “It seemed appropriate to kiss this chick,” Ossie says. “She seemed kissable.”
His First Gift to Her: A purse and brooch from Woolworth’s. Total cost $1.25.
Her First Gift to Him: A scarf she knitted.
First Car: A blue Oldsmobile that belonged to Ruby’s father.
First Home: Located at 5 Cooley Place in Mount Vernon, the Davises’ first home was purchased with a GI loan from the black-owned bank Carver Federal Savings and Loan. Ossie’s 100-year-old mother lives there today.
First Piece of Furniture: The Davises ate off of orange crates until they had enough money to go to the Salvation Army to “purchase a few pieces,” Ossie says.
First Meal He Cooked for Her: Grits and tuna with scrambled eggs.
First Meal She Cooked for Him: A really nasty apple pie. “I don’t remember having any major regrets about her meal, but that first time when the child cooked the pie ugh,” Ossie laughs, his face crinkled. “That was a strong test that she flunked completely.”
Sadly, on Feb. 4, 2005, Ossie Davis passed away at the age of 87. After Mr. Davis’ passing, Ms. Dee sat down for an interview with former Essence editor-in-chief Susan L. Taylor where she talked about her relationship with her husband, as well as their “open marriage”:
In your book With Ossie and Ruby, you both discussed having had what was called an open marriage for a short time during the 1960’s. You allowed each other to have outside lovers. That’s a huge leap for Black folks.
Ossie couldn’t lie. He refused to lie. He felt strongly that extramarital sex didn’t destroy marriages, but that lies and deception did. Of course this was before AIDS and at a time when ideas about sex and marriage were changing rapidly. We both understood that there were absolutely marvelous, beautiful people in the world, that there were temptations to be with them, and that we two weren’t the only ones we’d be attracted to. So we gave ourselves permission to have other partners if we wished to, as long as we were honest, kept it private, and didn’t expose the family to scandal or disease. Ossie prided himself in not being a jealous person. “The most miserable thing,” he would say, “is to love and not trust.” And he was such a loving and giving person. Not just to me and not just in a romantic sense.
How did this period in your marriage end?
It didn’t last long, and when Ossie put an end to it, I was glad it was over. He saw that it could hurt many people and break up families. It’s too dangerous; you could come up on somebody you can’t let go of. We saw that what you treasure most could be lost. And Ossie and I had matured. We began to understand that it is possible to be married to one person and be faithful to that person all your life, and that in a marriage loyalty and fidelity and trust cannot be compromised.
Any regrets?
If there is anything I could ask forgiveness for, it is this.
What do you think Ossie would say to brothers today about infidelity?
I think he’d say that no matter what you may feel for someone outside your marriage, he realized that you can’t mess up your family, you can’t mess around with love because there are serious consequences. There really is no such thing as an innocent affair. Preserving the family means everything to our community now. One of Ossie’s sayings was, “You can rise no higher than where you have your feet planted in the community.”
At this tender time, what would you say it was that made the fullness and longevity of your relationship with Ossie possible?
The fact that we worked together, thought a lot alike, and came from the same background. Ossie, his soil was the South, in Waycross, Georgia; mine was the North, in Harlem. But we both came from like soil in different places. And we both loved words and ideas. Some of our best times were just talking to each other, and as we got older, we talked about everything. There was nothing we couldn’t tell each other, nothing too private for us to share.
What advice would you give to us sisters and brothers that will help us walk the long road together?
Get to know each other as human beings. Black women have to know the historical and everyday struggles of Black men, and our men have to know the struggles of Black women in America. Even before I knew Ossie, even before we fell in love, I knew the man, because I knew the situation of Black people. You have to help each other know who you are. You have to sanction each other’s gifts and encourage each other. “I want you to be the best you were put here on this earth to be, even if it costs me,” Ossie would say, and he lived it. He told me on so many occasions, “I love you means I want you to be the best you can be, whether it benefits me or not.”
How does it feel to have loved so deeply for so long and to have been loved so deeply in return?
I have an incredible feeling of thanksgiving. When I feel like complaining, I remember how blessed I am to have been married to Ossie. I miss him incredibly, especially in the mornings. He would get up early and read the papers and discuss it all with me over breakfast. At night he’d wait for me to come to bed and sometimes I’d be messing around, doing this and that, and by the time I got to bed, he’d be asleep. I’m so sorry I didn’t hurry up. We just loved being together. When I wasn’t working, I started going to work with him. I’d visit the set, and it was great being in hotels together. It was like our little honeymoon.
Did you know he was leaving?
I knew because I could see him wasting away. He had a pacemaker and only one kidney, and his breathing was being affected. I think it was his heart. I do miss him so, I can’t tell you. I still have him upstairs; Ossie was cremated. He just wanted an urn big enough for both of us.
What will you have inscribed on the urn?
“We’re in this thing together.” Ossie made that up.
