Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. Love and (Polygamous) Marriage? You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/family-law-blog/2012/october/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/, https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-rules-successful-second-marriage/, Living with a Spouse Who Has Aspergers Syndrome: the Cloud of Secrecy. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. Its not a series of glittering evenings drinking martinis in smoky bars. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . Journal of Family Studies. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. It was an arranged marriage. I'm seven months pregnant. 4. Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. Grab Now! Now she was not ready for 3rd. His family says it was unaware of any "second. "We injoi it and feele to prase the Lord." We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Participant Mrs. Abdullah stated that in her pain after her 1st husband's death and later divorce from her previous husband due to barrenness when she met her third husband who dealt her effectively with her emotional pain. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." Data collection was not collected scientific way because of qualitative study and the findings cannot be generalized beyond the women in this study [24,25]. Can expand your gene pool. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. In another study man's wife having been diagnosed with a mental health problem, infertility, a man has only daughters or having children mentally and physically sick or man's wife older than he is, and exchange marriage are common reasons were discussed in a previous study. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. She said," My husband helped me to survive emotionally and financially". When even used-car dealers dont regard themselves as purveyors of second-hand merchandise, when second-hand clothes stores are now consignment shops, why should I stick with the second-wife moniker? He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. 2020; 39(2): 750-760. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? For Aneesa Azeez, a 23-year-old Muslim convert and college graduate, her husband's . She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. She was in severe depression after this trauma. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. She also said, "'my children and 1 should get a fair and deserving share of the marriage and properties". He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." The co-wives were approached from their homes. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. And a leading women's group is applauding . Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. Im in computer programming, which should tell you how much I love interacting with people, he says with a laugh. I was so sad and heartbroken to the point of not speaking to him for three days! After calming down Lillian communicated her feelings and concerns to Thamsanqa, and he explained his point of view. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. Now the first wife has no say. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
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