The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. This is clearly a heated topic, so Im not sure were all being purely logical about it. I disagreed with a lot of your comments but I still enjoyed them. Im not sure. Lots of it. Just sayin. What should I do, View related questions: The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? Its a great idea, really, for someone who is unfit and probably on the verge of abuse or something else horrible. Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. April 9, 2012, 5:52 pm, Sounds to me like your sister isnt so much unlucky, but a liar. April 10, 2012, 4:35 pm. That is pretty much it. Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. It sounds glib, and I mean, malarky? Apparently the LW couldnt trap him either since they broke up. But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph Even if she was on birth control. April 9, 2012, 1:05 pm. April 9, 2012, 6:16 pm. If I ever get pregnant and the dude wants nothing to do with the child, I will not force him. female Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. entertaining for sure, but dont be so surprised when people call you out on it a la Landygirl. Not your body, not your choice. April 9, 2012, 4:18 pm. Obviously, NEITHER man is responsible for the child the woman wanted it, she grew it. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. SpaceySteph Even if you wore a condom. And, again, this is common except with those inflicted with social disorders who cant seem to not say exactly what theyre thinking. And she was all, Um, yeah, those arent always 100 percent effective. And he was like, THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOX!!!! No man would abandon a woman he impregnates. 4. stop stressing so much.many children are born under worse circumstances the guy and his ex its their problem to solve not yours. And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. Knock it off. If a pregnancy results after you do the very thing you know can cause pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself and whining about your lack of choices or the burden of what you must now do is unproductive and frankly, a little too late. Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. Dont like the consequences? End. She deserves to be treated as cheap and unwanted but he doesnt deserve to skate free. All rights reserved. We all know that going in. Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. Whether or not she trapped him is irrelevant, in my opinion. They way the *LW* is painting the picture here of how she and her bf are treating the unborn child is unfair to the child and is why people are reacting the way they are. But still. Heres a thought experiment for you: The way you talk, I gotta believe youre one of those disgusting pro-lifers who are always trying to control people. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. April 9, 2012, 12:45 pm. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. evanscr05 Exactly why I advocate abortions in those cases. Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. Is that fair, well no, but nine months of growing a baby inside you, followed with birth, breast feeding, ect isnt really an equitable way to split reproduction either. If you were driving your car, and looked down at the time, and hit the child would you ask the parents of that child to not report you to the police, because its also there fault for letting there child run in to the street? Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. They are babies. He says he cant stand her? If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. April 10, 2012, 5:35 pm. According to legal abortion theory, only women create children. Wrapping it up doesnt prevent pregnancy. bittergaymark While it is true he has no obligation to someone hes broken up with, he does have an obligation to not go around making babies with women he doesnt even know. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? hamster van beethoven RunsWithScissors Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and LIKE Terrance Dean on Facebook, clickHERE! Honestly, why would you want to put yourself in a permanent relationship who a) has encouraged his baby mommy to abort the child for the sake of convenience and 2) who has sex with people he cannot stand? iseeshiny Dont care to be properly identified? That happens. lets_be_honest iseeshiny He ejaculates thats it. Answer (1 of 60): I would drop kick him out the door. You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. It is due to his own stupidity if he thought that a single sexual encounter could not produce a child, that birth control pills would definitely prevent him from impregnating someone or that he could legally opt out if a pregnancy occurred. Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? female April 9, 2012, 12:53 pm, He might very well be an immature asshole. It will have feelings too. Plus Ive noticed that the more calm and rational you keep your comment, the less likely the truly crazies ones are to even respond to you at all. Because, since you cannot prevent pregnancy and you cannot prevent sexual transmission of disease, I see no other way to look at it. If he didnt want to make a baby, he should have been wearing condoms or not having sex at all. April 10, 2012, 10:28 am. It could fail. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. Ahtrue, I reread the letter, and it did say ask not order as I remembered. Look, you broke up with him because your relationship had some problems, and because of trust issues, and his inability to commit to you. Solved. But the issue is when he decided not to pull out but bust a load into a strangerhe took on that risk of possibily having the responsibility to pay for a kid for the next 18 years. But then, I guess I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. hi there! But women and children, in the context of child custody and support systems, end up in extremely unfortunate and unfair situations far more often. Malarky. Always follow your gut and your instincts. I wanted to be the one who had a baby with . I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. Because hes treating the mother of his child, and his child, with such disdain and disregarding his responsibility to him/her. Why are you standing up for mens right to bang a chick they have known two minutes without a condom and have no consequences for THEIR actions. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). Go argue with the feminists. Hell, given the entitlement and lack of boundaries displayed in your letter, itll probably be your life no matter what. You have a lot of personal issues to deal with, little boy. There is a massive difference between wanting a pregnancy to be terminated and deciding to have nothing to do with a child who has been born. She asked what to do with this guy. April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. Thats my advice. It doesnt even come close. Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. It is possible to get pregnant while on the pill, it happened to three women I know. However, I realize thats a pipe dream. Heres how I interpreted it. If you are a woman, if you just met a guy, and if you become pregnant, you can get 20+ years of child support. bittergaymark Thus, her meal is tainted with traces of peanuts. Is this a valid summary? Made my day! Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. Theres a fun scenario. Oh I completely agree! First of all, they knew each other for two months, not two minutes. And yes men create children. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby.. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. Is that pretty much it? He made his position very clear very early on. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. I mean, hey, we certainly couldnt be any more careless or reckless with this precious gift than women keep on proving to be, landygirl She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? And yes, women do use the laws to trap men into financing their lifestyle of choice (as a single mother).. If youre going to have sex with someone you are not in a relationship with, be prepared that a *pregnancy* might happen. I must be bloody kidding myself. Healthy relationships don't come from a situation like this.. Someone else has assumed it. So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. We dont even know that this other woman told the bf that she is pregnant. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. Whether those parents planned it or not they need to be there for that kid and not just dump it becuase you feel like it. Wellyeah. Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. Doesnt interest me. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. Hes just not ready to start a family. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. Holy hell, this guy sounds like a dick. silver_dragon_girl You pack of hypocrites. No. Oh yeah, because plenty of men already have no problem abandoning AND not paying. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. ha, Ive done too many drugs too. SpaceySteph I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. Three babies? This guy isnt worth anyones time. Also, he seems willing to abide by the laws. Unbelievable Eggzactlee, though I dont burn effigies as we have Spare the Air days in CA. So, really, I guess I disagree with the majority of the comments here. theQuietOne illinois obituaries 2020 . What exactly would your perfect laws look like in regard to custody and child support anyway? It takes two to make a baby. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. I attempt to avoid name calling, but youre not very smart. Have you ever seen an episode of the Maury show or any other talk drama show? Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. 60+ years on this ball-o-dirt and witnessing the madness going on around this place, as well as being an honest-to-God Christian. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. ! And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. If he decides to abandon his child, he is. April 10, 2012, 7:10 pm. Whos the daddy? Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. Can I interject for a moment and note that CUSTODY isnt generally whats tied to support; PLACEMENT is. But there is a happy ending to this story. I got angry because it's something he should have told me. Mostly for the kid though, I think. Sorry for the crass language. Run as if your life depends on it because it does. But being on the pill is not akin to saying I will choose to have an abortion should a pregnancy occur. April 9, 2012, 12:17 pm. Dont be so quick to assume every dude who makes an observation about a real phenomenon is some embittered douche full of vitriol; you may learn something in the process. It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. Hi guyssssss,I wanted to share a storytime video with you guys since it has a lot to do with the reason I moved to LA and a lot to do with who I am today!Sid. They came first. But condoms should still be used unless the relationship is established and monogamous and both parties are disease-free. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? And this is the problem with having sex in a non-monogamous relationship and not fully protecting yourself. That is the point when an intelligent person makes their decision. Sometimes the contribution of a father who doesnt want to be a father is far worse than the lack of father. If there is no child at conception I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? Maam, hes made a choice. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. Probably a creationist, from what you know about biological science. When he didnt come chasing after you when you moved you knew it was over and done with. I think its the first time I am hearing someone smear another person for NOT having an abortion. Also who goes around talking about how he cant stand the mother of his child? She refused to listen. I would love to pil your brain on this, specifically how your mom handled discussing it with you if you would be Willing to share. Anyone would be angry in this situation. Where the issue comes in is who physically is around the child more, which is placement, which though there has been progress tends to err on the side of the mother still, with all other things being equal. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. Temperance lets_be_honest She looked enough to bang, though, huh? I hate a society that even makes this an issue. But then again the child might be better off without such an jerk as a role model. No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. LW, you need to take time to look at what you want in your life. * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. Again, he has not opted out of the childs life. April 9, 2012, 8:26 pm. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. iseeshiny Just because shes decided to not have an abortion because your boyfriend cant stand her and doesnt want anything to do with her or the innocent child, who, like it or not, he helped create, doesnt mean shes trying to trap him or that shes a scroat. When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. When I was on the pill, my ex boyfriend STILL used condoms to make sure it was safe. I dont mean to gush but seriously LBH, I respect you and your opinions a lot on the matter and thanks for making me question my gut responses a bit with your candor! 2. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. lets_be_honest Placement deals with where they are physically. I highly doubt that he wouldve slept with her if he knew how incompatible they are prior to bedtime. The system you propose that if conception is not by mistake and if the man does not decide early on that he doesnt want to be responsible, then he should be obligated to that child is the craziness system ever. Males pay a surrogate to carry the tissue blob, or lesbians can carry the tissue blob themselves. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Not necessarily. Even if shes a lunatic psycho who got pregs on purpose, you have no one to blame but your boyfriend. Does that change the situation as all? You dont really get a say in this matter. Both have to accept responsibility for that. Whose idea was it to take a break anyway? And I appreciate that he made his decision and stuck with it, instead of deciding to drop in and out whenever he felt like. I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. Unless youve been there, you dont know. At the point where he had options he chose one that could result in a pregnancy. Now hes going to have to deal with it, even if he wants nothing to do with the childhis wallet will. I think this man, regardless his quality of character in other situations, demonstrates good foresight in deciding that no, hes not ready to be a father. Really? Pay[ing] for it is responsible, even if its not what the mother of the child, or potentially the child, may initially want. This is not true, and I say this because a (male) friend of mine went through this a few years ago. well, then Id run screaming the other way. By this point I had already invested so much in the relationship that I wanted it to work regardless, but no matter how much I tried he didnt want to immediately get back together. . He delivered, at her request, one-half of a set of DNA blueprints. However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. He isnt what is best for you. Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? And if so, Im ready. slept with someone else. Sorry. Like its a big shock that birth control can fail, that people can lie about using birth control, that women get to choose whether they want to keep their children and that he law requires men to financially support their children whether they want them or not. Which brings me to my question for LW: You say your boyfriend is 40 years old, but how old are YOU? Cant thank you enough for your response! That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? Reviewing this the next day, Im even less convinced that the letter is real Id be happy for signs otherwise but assuming it is, thats good advice. I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. We started dateing again and have been for about 3 months and we have plans to save money and get an apartment. April 10, 2012, 9:41 am. And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. Or, hey, maybe they were both tested, maybe they were both clean, and maybe he believed her, and maybe she actually was on the pill. yes he doesnt seem like much a catch, but to say he exposed her to STDs! is a stretch. And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. The next day I text her that we can give it another chance, but she insisted she was not feeling the same . He might very well be an immature asshole. We met up again and my family grew fond of him finally. PS. I highly doubt thats what shes doing considering shes only known him for two minutes., SweetsAndBeats Its none of your business. Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. honeybeenicki So the fact that none of your good friends have HIV (which is good to hear) doesnt necessarily mean that they are more capable of using a condom than the heterosexuals you know. Youve given me a lot to think about in terms of my views on raising children that come out of short term flings and im appreciative for the insight. Weird question. Men abandon and fail to pay for children constantly. Its one thing that he says he will pay for it (Im assuming this means child support), but a true father doesnt just look at this as a once a month payment for 18 years. Im sorry you feel you are in the minority. They are calling him a scum for not taking any responsibility for happened, and they are calling the LW names for acting like her BF is a saint, and had nothing to do with making this baby. But cest la vie. April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan Chuck Pelto The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. One does not need to hate women to find inherent unfairness in current laws. Im also a longtime lurker who was a little taken aback by all the vitriol aimed at this mans head. That was supposed to be a reply to Temperance, not ele4phant. And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. Dont ever sleep with someone mean or stupid, because if you get pregnant, youre going to be tied to that person for the rest of your childs life. And I was like, Ewww, Mom, thats gross! But it was great advice, and Ive always followed it. so we have a 8mth baby. Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. Men get a say in abortions? The calculus is income dependent based on whos the higher earner. I think, Chuck, what she meant was that no one is forcing these men to impregnate strangers. Unless Im sure the guy will make it worth my while, Im not going to do it. After that, its not your choice anymore. (yes, I know, lifes unfair). Pardon my French but if youre going to stick your dick into a stranger, you need to take birth control into your own hands and not rely on her word alone. This asshole is not the answer. Well, its possible that he didnt know her at all, but then after coitus he began to get to know her and things went downhill from there. I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. Both of those things cant be true, LW. I think the whole situation is a mess though, & youre 2nd paragraph (She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage) is spot-on.
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